The Prodigal Sons and Daughters of Today

The night was broken by the screams of their voices. The cold winter’s wind carried the noise through the streets. “I can come home at whatever time I want. You are nobody to question me. I am a grown man now and I don’t need you. Please just leave me alone”, he yelled back at her. “Son, what is the time? Is this the time to come home? It is 4.15 a.m? You finish work at 10 p.m, where were you?” his mother replied. “That is none of your business.” was his answer. Towering over his voice she yelled “None of my business? How dare you talk to me like that? I am your mother. ” Intoxicated by the alcohol he had consumed earlier, he arrogantly said, “Sometimes I wish you weren’t.” His words pierced his mother’s heart deep and in a fit of rage she voiced, “If you’re going to stay under my roof, you will do as I tell you.” Unintimidated, he stumbled and swayed his way to his bed and slept off his anger.
The next morning, he woke up. As the smell of toasted bread and coffee filled the residence. His ego was still alive from the night before. He looked in the mirror and in his mind he began to murmur “A man of 27 isn’t going to be told what to do.” So he decided to take action. He stormed towards the door with a suitcase and his bag pack. His mother setting up 2 plates at the table asked in curiosity, “Where do you think you’re going? Come here and apologise.” With a smirk on his face, “I’m sorry. I am sorry I had to put up with a mother like you for so long. Goodbye forever! I am going and I hope I never see you again.” The mother disoriented and stung by his words, dropped the butter knife from her hand and rushed out the open door. She tried to grab hold of his bag as he got into his car, but he just pushed her away. A deep mother’s cry from the heart resounded through the neighbourhood, “Son, please don’t do go. Come back. Please!!! Plllleaaseee!!!.” she begged. Her humble plea was drowned by the sound of his car’s engine that eventually faded into the distance. She entered back into the house, her heart ripped and torn to pieces as she soaked the kitchen floor with her tears.
He put up at the hotel for a day or two, but alas his wealth was not as much as his arrogance. He searched around for a rented apartment and soon found one that he could afford. The room smelled like a rotten abandoned dungeon, with its only companions being a fan, a table and chair to go along. He settled into this congested box of grey, whose windows had been nailed shut to block out the light from the world. From all the hardships it was the silence and loneliness that bothered him the most. He didn’t think living alone would be so difficult. He now had to do everything and it is often the smaller things that are the hardest to do.  He knew he had taken things for granted but Pride convinced him otherwise.  He decided to sleep it off, only to be constantly disturbed by the buzzing of his phone. They were the calls and messages from his mother and some other family members who he also hated. His pride got the better of him and he switched the phone off. Despite the hardships, he still decided to feed his ego and didn’t return home. Soon the hours turned into days and the days to months.
It was now summer as 4 long and difficult months ticked away. The air still blew dry and swift across the corridor. The mother still distraught, almost gave up on seeing her son again. She cursed herself for ever criticising him. She blamed herself for ever having corrected him in the first place. It was the 23rd day of that month, and on that dull summer’s evening, she heard the doorbell ring. She opened the door but found nobody there. Just as she begun to turn, her eyes caught sight of a crisp white envelope on the ground that was addressed to her. She closed the door behind and sat on the corner chair to read the letter. Her tears started to show again from her eyes but by now the house was no stranger to them. She knew the letter was from him. The letter read as follows:

My Dearest Loving mother,

I have nothing but regret and I thought I would write you this letter, hoping that I could get a chance to seek your forgiveness. I don’t know where to begin so I thought I would start with the first 10 things I should apologise for. And so here goes.

1. I am sorry that every morning you woke up early only so that I could eat something before I started the day.
2. I am sorry as you stayed up every night just so I could get a warm meal before I went to bed.
3. I am sorry that even after you cooked all day I would complain about your tasty food. It was never too salty, it was just me being ungrateful.
4. I’m sorry that you would be worried sick until I got home. I would intentionally criticise you for questioning my whereabouts.
5. I am sorry that you had to take the place of dad and had the house looked after and fixed. You handled everything and I didn’t even care.
6. I am sorry that I would always turn down helping around in the house and so you would do it yourself. I always lied saying I was busy and find an excuse.
7. I am sorry that you never even slept a wink when I was ill. You saw to it that I got better and only then you would go to get some rest.
8. I am sorry I always made a fuss to give you money, even though I know that you sacrificed your career so I could have mine.
9. I pushed you away when you just wanted to hug me. I was embarrassed of you when I was with my friends. I would even disconnect your calls when I was with them.
10. I disrespected you as I thought I was too big for being told what to do. I Took You For Granted and I am so sorry for doing that to you.

I am So Sorry Mama. I pray that my tongue but cut off if I ever disrespect you again. If you have it in your heart, open the door once again and I promise I will never leave you ever again. Please! Please! Please! Please Forgive me.

Your Son.

The thundering sound of her feet echoed through the house as she dashed for the door. Her heart filled with anxiousness and hope, praying that he would be standing outside the door. As the door opened, there stood her prodigal son with his head pointed straight towards the floor. His heart filled with regret and shame. The mother with tears of mercy ran to him. He found himself in the tight grip of his mother’s arms that were wrapped around him. Even before he could open his mouth to apologise, his mother lifted his face, looked him in the eyes and said. “Son, how can I forgive you? Because you cannot forgive someone who you’ve never hated in the first place. I have always loved you, I still do and will always Love you. There is nothing in this world that you could do or say that will change that. You are my Son. You are my Son. My Son”

 

 

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Author’s Remarks
I write this story as a reminder that in our pursuit for success and fulfilment of our desires, we forget the people who are rooting for us at the side. They could be our mothers, our fathers, our brothers, our sisters, our husbands, our wives, our family, our friends and even perhaps our pets. The selfishness of our soul chases the things that we don’t have and we take for granted what we do have. We only appreciate them when they are finally taken away from us. So if this story encouraged a sense of gratitude in you, Go now! Tell them how much they mean to you.

Let me be the first to start.

I am everything I am because of my mother, my family, my friends and because of You.

So cheers to all of us!

 – Floyd S Pereira

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The Bear-Necessity of Happiness

Over the hills, past the vast rocky plain, there was a beautiful forest. It was a place where the sun shinned bright and the air smelt exotic. Deep in the thicket of the forest lived a young bear cub named Adam. He was naive of what the world meant around him but one thing for certain is that he liked the feeling of happiness. One morning, as the sun decided to sleep a little longer than usual, the sky was grey and pale; and Adam didn’t feel that familiar feeling of happiness. With his mum and dad gone to attend to their daily errands, the dull gloomy sky soured the young cub. He thought to himself “I wonder what could make me happy every minute of the day and every day of the year. But who shall I ask? Who would know the secret to eternal happiness? Once I know, I will never feel sad ever again.” He scratched his head with his tiny paw as he pondered on for a while and then thought to himself once again, “Mr Nichola, the owl, of course!! He will know the secret of eternal happiness. He is the smartest from everyone in the forest and I better go find him quick.”

So he set on his adventure to find Mr Nichola, who he knew would always sit on the biggest oak tree in the center of the forest, not too far from where Adam was. His little feet thumped the ground as he made his way to find the wise owl. Perched high up on the oak tree, he saw young Adam approach. He looked at Adam and said, “Are you lost, son?” The adorable bear with his hand waving back responded “No, Mr Nichola, I am not lost. In fact I came to ask you a question?” “Ask me a question?” said the owl in curiosity as he flew down to Adam. “Yes” replied Adam, “As you are the wisest in the land, oh do tell me, what’s the secret to eternal happiness?” the little bear asked politely. The owl laid down his glasses along with the book, and replied “I have read many a book & many a school of thought, they all point to one thing, Beauty!! The world favors the beautiful and so the beautiful are always happy. You need to work on your looks and style little one. Show the world that you are worth more than wealth and they in turn will make you happy. Oh how I wish I were beautiful but alas I am cursed with this bark of body. But you can ask Prince Ian. He seems to be the creator’s handmade masterpiece. To know what he does to be and stay handsome, go talk to him and he will tell you the secret of eternal happiness.” Adam thanked the wise owl and went on his way to find Prince Ian. Adam knew where Prince Ian lived and set out to pay him a visit.

Prince Ian, was an alpha mule deer and the prince of all the deer. He had a magnificent coat of velvety reddish-brown skin that seemed to be sown by the God’s angels themselves. His horns fitted his head like a crown. His eyes sparkled like the stars of the night sky. His teeth were whiter than snow. He would jaunt through the forest with elegance & majesty and everyone in the forest, especially the doe, had their hearts melt whilst he pranced with splendor. As Adam approached, Prince Ian was suddenly alarmed. “Who goes there” he shouted in fear. Adam reassuringly replied “It is me, Adam, I am so sorry to startle you, your highness. But I just had a word with Mr Nichola and he said you know the secret to eternal happiness. Please Prince Ian, please share with me the secret to eternal happiness.” “The secret to eternal happiness?” asked Ian with his crown held high, now sensing it was safe. He continued “Well I know what it is but I don’t have it. Whilst I am enchanting, I am not only a treat to the eyes, but also a treat to the Lion’s tummy. I look happy but I only live in fear. It’s only a matter of time that the lion is going to catch me and eat me. Being pretty, handsome and beautiful is of no use if you’re dead. You have to be strong and bossy. You got to throw your weight around and make everyone do things for you. Make everyone fear you. I wish I was as strong and ferocious like Joffrey, the Lion, but my destiny is to be his dinner someday. To know what Joffrey does to be strong and assertive, you need to go and ask him. He will tell you the secret to eternal happiness. He should be kind to you as he is a friend of your father. Haaa!! Even you have nothing to fear. Why has God done this to me?” Adam thanked the prince for his advice but the Prince went rambling on to himself, cursing his luck. Adam decided to make his way cautiously to Joffrey’s den.

He knocked on the door and the lion with an angry roar, “Who dares disturb me?” Adam responded meekly. “It’s me, Adam”. The lion sat back down from his stance of attack and asked “Adam? The Bear cub?”, “Yes”, was the reply. With a command in his voice, Joeffery said firmly. “What do you want Adam. I don’t like to be disturbed and I rather have you not do it to me ever again!!!” Adam frantically told the Lion his ordeal and quest to find the secret to eternal happiness. Laughing aloud, the lion responded “Haa!!! So the secret to eternal happiness you ask? Well the secret to eternal happiness lies in being smart. I bully and push people around because I can’t do things myself, and it’s much easier that way. They put on a face of pleasure serving me but I know they all hate me. I wish I was smart. I wish I could read. Books tell you how to get people to like you, but I don’t even know the spelling of happiness. If only I knew how to make the others like me, then I would be happy. I wish I was as smart as the owl but I am just strong all over except my brain. How I wish I could be smart instead” The lion rose in fury willfully submitting to his over compulsive & repulsive anger, “ ARRRRR!! Now you’ve upset me. Go away now!! Go worry Mr Nichola instead.” The cub humbly began to reply “But I already did…” and even before he could finish his sentence, Joffrey roared back in annoyance and spite, “You dare disobey me, I said ‘Go!’ and what I say must be done.” Adam ran towards the stream in fear and discourage.

Adam in utter despair sat at the bank of the gentle stream and started to cry. “I will never be happy. I will never be happy.” As he was crying his little heart out, the elephant was passing by. “What is wrong little one?” the elephant asked kindly. “I just want to be happy.” was the response. The elephant looked at Adam and said “What makes you think you are not?” And so Adam spoke of his pursuit for the secret to eternal happiness and detailed all the events that unfolded.

The elephant thought for a moment and then asked Adam, “Look in front of you and tell me what you see.” In front of Adam and the elephant was a beautiful stream of water that flowed from hills to the river below. Adam with his soggy eyes stated the obvious “I see the stream.” The elephant then continued, “Happiness is like this stream of water. The stream flows gently without question. It follows the path that has already been chosen and happily goes to where ever it is taken. When there are rocks and boulders in its path, it goes over and around them and does not try to fight them. It willfully & humbly submits itself to the river. The stream does not yearn to be the trees nor the rocks around. It does not pray to be the brother sun or sister moon. It does not wish to be the river for it knows it eventually will be a part of it. It is happy being just the way it is. It spreads love; it quenches the thirsty throat and calms the mind, asking nothing in return for its kindness. The elephant continued as Adam listened carefully, “You see little one, everyone is born with happiness. Everyone is a product of love and where there is love there is happiness. We may not feel too happy sometimes but that is because we can appreciate happiness even more. We sometimes feel unhappiness because we want things we don’t have and when we get them we want more. We then seek for knowledge, to know about happiness, but we do so for the sake of knowing and the hope of find it someday, ignoring the fact that we already have it. Do you know that you are smart, handsome and strong, perhaps not the smartest, prettiest or strongest but never the less all three. You have all the qualities of the owl, deer and lion put together. Life is an experience that does not need to be questioned but only enjoyed. Be yourself, appreciate what you have and always speak the universal language of love.”

Hurrah!! Adam finally started to smile again, as he wiped his tears. With that same smile and with virtue in his words he promised“I will always be myself, appreciate what I have and always love others first. Oh, Thank you!! Mr. Elephant. Thank you!!” The elephant nodded kindly “You are very welcome little one.” “By the way, my name is Adam, what is yours?” asked Adam. The elephant smiled and said “Well, it is nice to meet you Adam, I’m Ganesha.”

Maktub

She woke up startled with beads of sweat dripping from her brow. It was that same dream that had been haunting her for a while now. Pondering on what it meant to see her father again. It felt so real. His words still echoing in her ears “Go far from here and into the desert where you will find treasures of the king that no man has possessed. You will be wealthier than all of the townsmen put together.” But she was no adventurer, and the comfort of her bakery, was far too snug.

The next day, a town’s elder came to her bakery to buy bread. She remembered about the dream and thought perhaps the wise man could share some of his wisdom. She told him about the dream and asked what it meant. The wise old man looked at her and said, “Dreams are spoken to those who are destined for it. They are signs from the divine. Follow the signs little one. Here, take in your hand these 2 stones ‘Urim and Thummim’. Choose your questions wisely for it can only answer a ‘Yes’ or a ‘No’.”

The old man left and the girl paying no heed to the advice, kept aside those stones, for she was learned. The books she read were of science and progress. Leaving things to chance and destiny was the talk of fools and she wanted no part of it.

The sun soon began its descent to the bottom of the hills and it was nightfall. Her soul was restless and even though her eyes were closed, her mind wandered. “What if the wise man is right? What if there is more to my life than just this bakery.” It wasn’t too long after that she decided to try what the elder said and held in her hand ‘Urim and Thummim’. She took the 2 stones, one which was white that indicated yes and the other black that indicated no. She placed the stones into her worn out pouch and then finally asked. “Should I venture into the desert?” To her amazement, in her hand was the white stone. She laughed and thought of how silly it was to take decisions based on the outcome of a stone. She battled for a while and at last her mind fell to sleep.

The next morning, as she opened her shop, there stood a lost camel. It was another sign, but again her intellect got in the way and she said to herself. “I must be going mad.” Hours had passed and after several attempts of driving the animal away, it was still outside the shop under the palm tree. Finally caving in and with a sarcastic smile she thought, “a few days of vacation would not do any harm. After all I may find treasure”, sarcastically, “Haa!! Arrrr like the pirates”.  She laughed but decided to go anyways.

At the first sight of the sun, she took the camel, 2 canteens full of water & food enough for 3 days and set for the desert. “We’ll head that way and come back exactly the same way” So a day goes by and then another and another. The food was all but eaten and the water almost drunk. This was the first time she ever ventured out of the town and no one told her about the endless oceans of sand in the desert that spoke of its vastness. There were no tracks to go back nor anywhere else. “Oh God, I’m lost. I better turn back. But which way is back?” That’s when she fell to the ground, cursing herself for even bothering to ask the foolish elder.

She then heard a voice, it was the dark shadowy voice of regret “Why do you believe in dreams? Do you really believe in fairy tales and happy endings? I have taught you logic and reason. I’ve given you the knowledge of the elders. I have made you wise and this is how you repay me? You just had to sheepishly believe an illiterate mad old man. Look where it has gotten you. You will never find the treasure cause there is none. Why did you even try?” The arrogance in the voice stung her deeply but it did stand for reason.

Tears rolled down her pearly white face, and after the sobbing was done, she just knelt there in silence. Just then another voice cried out to her “Why do you despair?” This time, from a calm gentle place in her heart. “Who are you? Are you here to mock me as well?” She asked as her face still soaked in her tears. “It is I, the one who created you, and why would I ever do that. It has been a long time since you lent me your ear. But then again, you haven’t really called upon me either” The girl confused as she never really believed in God. For she learnt of the world to have a logic and reason for everything. But despair softened her hard shell and she prayed, “ I am sorry God, but I beg you, please help me” That’s when the voice spoke softly “Just follow your heart. The heart speaks the language of the universe which is ‘Love’. It is the language that I wrote, the same hand that wrote all. And always remember that ‘fear’ is meant to push you further onwards and never meant for you to have never tried in the first place. Come on try it. Listen to your heart and you’ll find your path.”

So with a frail push to the ground she got back on the camel. And in silence she listened to her heart. Moments passed by and there was no sense of direction. The voice of regret began with a condescending tone “After all that I taught you, you are relying on God. Turn back now. Go back to being Safe.” She then replied. “No. I will befriend the wind, the sky, the sun and the sand. I am not lost, but rather having learnt to at least take a map the next time I go out.” Oh!! the tremendous joy that filled her heart. She had changed her pessimistic approach of life to that which was optimistic. And instead of accepting failure she decided to seek success. That’s when, the voice within finally spoke “Loosen the rein of the camel.” So she did and the camel began to stride serenely into the horizon.

Three quarters of the hour passed and in the horizon now glistened from the sand a sight that overwhelmed her. Her eyes were dry no longer, as she finally found the oasis, the same one from her dream. “Could this really be true?” Having forgotten about the treasure, all she wanted was some food and drink. So she set pace and made for the oasis. There were a couple of tents that were in the flavor of ‘gold and white’ and some in a dusty coated color of the sand. A man approached her on horse and asked commandingly, “Who goes there, halt in the name of the king.” With her meek trembling voice she said “I mean you no harm. I am lost and I need food and water.” The man took her to the king. And there sat a man in a robe that shone brighter that the sun itself. He had blue eyes. His hair flowed like the rivers of Babylon and his skin seemed to be softer than silk. He was the ruler of kingdoms and was known for his generosity and kind heart. He did not ask her anything but only gestured to a soft feathered seat placed in-front of him. With a clap of his hand, his Servants reached out to attend to her. His generosity and charm had her in his spell, but alas she rested on the shoulders of doubt for one last time, “The king can’t be the treasure. He has no interest in me. He is a King and I am a poor baker’s girl.”

She offered to explain herself to the king, but the king humbly said, “I promise to hear the entire of your life’s account later, but first eat and drink from the silver plates before you. Rest now, and refresh yourself” She humbly thanked him and after she ate, she was escorted to the most beautiful tent she had ever seen. It’s aroma, the sweet fragrance of incense.

It was now dark and they dined the night together. Before the moon was at its brightest, he asked her. “Ok, now tell me of your story.” She looked at him with a gaze of curiosity and asked “Do you believe in destiny or God but most importantly, dreams?” The king Answered “Yes, I do believe in all of them, why do you ask?” And so she began to share her tale of her travel and her conversation with the creator of all.  She stopped to gaze in amazement the drop of tear that rolled down his face. “What is the matter your highness? You seem to be troubled by my story. You have my apologies for upsetting your majesty.” The king looked at her and said “I have had a similar dream, only instead of treasure, I shall find my wife. I realized it the moment I saw your dazzling eyes and enthralling beauty as you walked in. I thought it is too good to be true and never said a word. But I will know now if it is true, if you will say ‘Yes’ to my request for your hand in marriage.” She trembled with excitement and confusion but never again would she ignore the voice in her heart. After a brief pause that felt like eternity, she finally said….. “Yes!!!”

A month went by and there were celebrations and festivities for months in all the towns. The king finally had a queen. Not only was she rich but she learnt to speak the universal language of ‘Love’. It was the language that conquered all and carved the path to eternal happiness. The girl never forgot about the old man who had started the chain of her events that begun her journey. She found him at the village she once lived and went up to him and said. “Thank you, You pointed me in the direction of my destiny and my dream came true” The wise man smiled back and virtuously said. “MAKTUB!! It was already written.”

– Floyd Pereira

 

Depression: how we can avoid it and/or help others

What really is the issue?

Given that depression, anxiety and suicides are on the rise, I thought I would share my findings and leanings on the subject.

The victims really are people, who are introverts in nature. What makes a person an introvert or an extrovert is always subject to debate, but what I really mean is people who are closed off and lonely. The patterns of depression and anxiety are learnt either when something drastic happens in our lives (E.g. Losing a loved one, Rejection, Failure) or when we have a bunch of small negative events/happenings or habits, that are now made permanent in our lives. (E.g. addictions, procrastination, low self-esteem, etc.)

So let’s talk about.

1. How we land ourselves into depression and what can be done?
2. How we fail to help someone who is depressed and what can be done?

 

Having a poor or a no social network

This is where you have friends but only in the digital world. People who have little to no interactions with the world on a regular basis are prone to being depressed, anxious and suicidal. Ironically, the technological advancements made to bring people closer together, has adversely separated us even further. As a society we have to re look up the word ‘Empathy’.

How do we fix it if you are the victim? – Just speak up. Go out more often, use apps like ‘Meet Up’, don’t have any preconceived notions and have no expectations from people. I swear to you it will work. Go on Facebook and search for pages you can join, where you can meet new people or join pages of similar interests. Do not be selective of who you want to hang out, it’s not fair to them nor to you. I know you love your personal space and you will never feel like it, but you need a new perspective so just talk to people. If you want a permanent fix but a difficult one, always see what you can do to help someone without any expectation. This is a difficult thing to do but it is a brilliant cure for Anxiety and depression.

How do we fix it if you are not the victim? –Everyone is busy, yes I know, and can’t find the time to reply to a person’s message, even though our phones are glued to our hands.

The reason I say this is by my observation that people are quick to post of how upsetting it is to lose a friend, a celebrity or a person that committed suicide, but fail to be empathetic to others. I don’t mean to offend anyone here but it is a fact, and probably one that people are unaware of. People in general have become apathetic in nature, and their help is always conditional. But having said that, it’s better never to help than to have helped and stopped. E.g. When we do not respond to peoples messages or turn down an offer to meet up, especially when they have confided in you.

The solution is simple, just hang out with people. Have a personal face to face interaction with someone or talk to someone who has called you. Just reply to people who would disguise their cry for help with a “Hey, I’m doing fantastic, lets meet up?” Just meet that person, you would be helping them in more ways than you can imagine.

But remember, don’t offer advice unless the person really has asked for it and you have the ability to help. It is better to ask people to refer to an article on the net or watch a documentary, rather than you forcing down the throat of someone, your illusive knowledge on the subject.

Other ways to help is forgive that someone that you need to forgive and to provide unconditional love, irrespective of the situation at hand.

If you’re an employer or a part of the employer workforce, show empathy. Equip your selves with tools to coach and advice. Be a follower of compassion. The modern working culture is a major contributor to this ailment and organizations need to be made aware of the paradigm shift in today’s millennial work force.

 

 

Addictions

This is an outcome of a poor social interaction with society. You see, addiction is a result of instant gratification. As people don’t get happiness from society and people, they become materialistic.  They would smoke that cigarette to be happy, even if it is only for a moment and then would want more of it consistently. We eat Junk, spend hours on Facebook, spend hours on YouTube, watch porn, do drugs, or perhaps wait for our phones to light up to read a message from a friend etc. only to get that hit of Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins which consequently make us happy. This is a problem only because it is done out of a dependency and done in excess as well. For e.g. Alcohol isn’t bad, but excessive consumption of it is.

This results in a chemical imbalance in our brain. Materialistic happiness is short lived, and much like the ‘Money happiness curve’, we need more of it every time we desire it. This simply means – e.g. Porn, what used to excite us will no longer work, people would skip pages to see something that’s new and exciting. The problem is, you are chasing temporary happiness. So to be happy continuously you’ll have to repeat the action time and again. But the happiness and pleasure would have a fading effect until it no longer serves its purpose.

How do we fix it if you are the victim? – Baby steps. It’s not going to be easy, cut down on your addiction. But, the most effective approach is find ways to expand your social life, meet new people, go for treks, all in all find real happiness – e.g. if you’re an artist, post your work as often as you can. You’ll have to do the work of creating your content but the more the effort greater the reward. Put out only the best and better yourself. Spend time contributing to society instead of complaining/blaming yourself or the world. And when you get in those likes and shares, happiness would be more rewarding than you can imagine. People will show you appreciation and they would want to meet you and support you.

How do we fix it if you are not the victim? – Don’t tell anyone to stop their addictions, as this would indicate their inability to quit. However, don’t encourage a bad addiction either. This is a tough battle to fight for the victim and only offer help, when it is asked for. Try to divert their minds from the temptation but don’t force. It is entirely up to the addict to act upon the addiction.

 

 

Failure to Act

Procrastinating again is a trickle down effect of instant gratification. We know we need to do that task but try our best to push it off by hitting that snooze button, or anything that is mentioned in the above point for addiction. Another reason why we fail to act is when we rely more on our feeling to act rather than on our ability to act. The problem is we will never ever feel like doing it and so we get lazy. We get so lazy to the point that we lose the purpose to live.

How do we fix it if you are the victim? – This is again a difficult task. It started of simply by hitting the snooze button, getting up late, procrastinating, etc. but now this has resulted in you unable to even get out of bed. The problem is you are waiting for the ‘feel good’ factor to do something, but since you hesitated once and then a 100 times more later, your brain will prevent you from doing anything. That’s what you told your brain to do for 101 times prior. If you want to test this, think of the thing you have to do but don’t want to, now think of how many times in the past you hesitated to do it or encouraged procrastination.

So force yourself. Make a schedule for your day, and don’t forget to include tasks for entertainment. Start small; if you can’t get out of bed, sit up rather than lie down. Then slowly stand up and then go find something to eat perhaps. Then dress up and just go out for a walk. Again this is not going to be easy, but there are tools – like ‘Mel Robbins 5 Second rule’(video link below). It is the most simple and effective tool there is out there, but don’t be fooled by its simplicity. I only say this, because you would need to practice this technique for it to be effective.

If you need a place to start, start with exercise or perhaps yoga. This is a known cure for depression. Again start small but do it daily. Other options would be Yoga, sports, trekking, swimming, jogging or even just a walk down your street. Do it!!

How do we fix it if you are not the victim? – When we know we can help but don’t, is our failure to act. Instead of trying to counsel or advice someone, just provide a listening ear. You don’t have to share your opinion every time, sometimes people only want a listening ear. Unless they ask for advice, don’t provide any. But most importantly, meet them. The best way to do it is plan an outing. Decide a location where you and that friend who needs help can just chill. Assure them that you are there for them and they can speak to you.

 

 

Conclusion

If you are a victim – interact more with people, learn to let go of emotions and materialism, reduce or stop any addictions and start to do things that will truly make you happy, like music, travel etc. Just act upon the situation moment by moment, stop procrastinating and certainly stop worrying about the outcome. Try to help others and with a genuine purpose, i.e. not expecting anything back in return.

If you are not the victim – meeting and listening to someone is all that you need to do. Your help cannot be conditional. Don’t force advice down anyone and only provide it when it is asked for. Use psychological tools to help people rather than provide an opinion.

Available resources

Just leave a comment down with whatever issue you face or have an opinion about and I will get back to you, whatever it may be, I am here for you. Everything above I have said is my interpretation from the below content. I would recommend that you watch these as well:

 

WHY MOTIVATION IS GARBAGE by Mel Robbins

ONE OF THE BEST SPEECHES EVER by Simon Sinek

EVERYTHING YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT ADDICTION IS WRONG by Johann Hari (Ted Talk)

This video is not directly connected to depression but Motivation and encouragement goes a long way and this video is testament

The biggest mistake we make is in our pursuit of happiness from our ever growing expectation. Gratitude is an exercise worth exploring. Re-calibrate your priorities and goals to serve your purpose. And live in the now, not the past nor the future.

God Bless You!!

A Letter to My Heart

The sun comes up,

And you leave the cup. 

It’s just another day that you had to say..

“I’ll do it my way”

 

The picture of what’s meant to be,

Is Different from life’s destiny.

And I bet it’s just,

A sad story

 

A sheep without its Shepherd,

A map without its borders,

I know it’s hard to see,

What tomorrow will be.

 

But Don’t give up now

Get through the hour.

Find love somehow, 

Just try…. Try and you’ll see. 

 

 

So let’s lay us down on a bed full of hay,

And let’s look inside that heart that wants to say….

“Set me free.. 

Just set me free 

Just set me free..”

 

From now on,

Don’t live the past, 

Don’t think too fast,

Just live in the the now, I’ll show you how.

And just remember, 

That there’s always something better.

 

To my one true love,

Once in a lifetime you find, a love that’s so pure, it shines from inside. And every day your love spreads through this word, with just your smile.

You opened the doors to my heart. When I was in chain, you broke away the lock. Whenever I need somebody to lean, your by my side.

Angels around, they sing. A love song to you for the joy you bring. And everyday you’ll sing that song to me. As I’d fall asleep.

With you the younger I feel. Like a child who Runs through the field. And In the distance far away I see. You waiting for me.

And here’s to the time when we feel in love. Right Under the stars with heaven above. And as we dance under the moon, Your hand in mine.

Just me and you.

 

Why do we want to end it all?

With the passing of Chester Bennington, the numerous other celebrities, even our close friends and families, I thought I would share my take and my experience.

Questions to be asked:

1. Why are positive thoughts short-lived but negative thoughts fundamental to our way of life?
2. What is the help that we can get?
3. How do we know we suffer from depression and is the awareness of depression becoming an excuse?
4. Why is depression so hard to overcome that we want to end our life?
5. Why do we fail to act when we have time?

I thought I would share my thoughts on these questions, but I am no expert.  I am hopeful that this blog gets people talking and for them to share their thoughts, perhaps helping someone in the process.

1. Hard to be positive: Our joys are often short lived, but our griefs stay with us for life.  We are hardwired to be cautious. Our basic instinct is survival. Our prime response in a difficult situation is either fight or flight. It’s never ‘wait, let me think what needs to be done.’ We are conditioned to work hard and told “everything is the will of God”. Perhaps it is, but with no foundation for positive thinking that’s never taught to us, it’s hard to be positive.
2. Help that is out there: Fortunately we live in an age where people are recognizing this to be a sickness and at least something can be done about it. Unfortunately, people are either not equipped to give advice & often make things worse; or people will ask you to pay a huge sum of money that would primarily involve a lot of listening & talking and sharing tips that you can get for free from the internet. Asking for professional help is important but not easy, with no guarantee for success.
3. Do we really have depression: Feeling low, upset, anxious etc. are normal feelings that all human beings face, including animals. I am a firm believer that depression is a real sickness and can mentally cripple someone. However, I also feel that by reconfirming to yourself that you suffer from depression, even if you are not suffering, rest assured you will someday. Something as simple as laziness and procrastination can be masked by the illusion of being depressed that will ultimately lead you there.
4. Discipline and addictions: The proverb “An idle mind is devil’s workshop” holds a solid truth. We constantly are on auto pilot, giving our minds total control and we are now slaves to our brain. To make matters worse we have addictions that convince us that we need to be reliant on materialistic pleasures to be happy.
5. Failure to Act: This to me is the real reason for suicide. We ponder on thoughts but never act. We may have the solution, but it is only in our minds.  Our thoughts remain thoughts and can never be changed to deeds. The only act that now seems logical is “to end it all in the hope for something better”

I thought I would also pen down what I think can be down to overcome the above 5 points, to at least bring about even a small change in someone’s life that could blossom to a healthy mind-set

• Hard to be positive: We must understand that we can’t control the situations around us and even the emotions that go along with it. But we can control how we think. A thought gives rise for an emotion and if we can change our thinking we will gain back control of your mind.

How: Find a task that you would send at least 10 minutes everyday doing to further develop a skill or a passion. E.g Blogging, Singing, dancing, yoga, exercise, etc. Spend at least 10 mins everyday and try to find a purpose for it e.g. sharing your feelings, let go of your feelings, get better at a skill, build your passion etc. This should be done daily and you should feel happy doing it. I say again, it should have a purpose.

• Help that is out there: If you know of people who used to have depression, ask them have done or what they do to overcome it. If they have gotten professional help and you really feel you need it, ask them for the contact details. Don’t be afraid to ask friends for help. Talk to people who are like-minded. And remember, ask to find a solution and not gain sympathy.  Read books or watch YouTube videos

How: Chat up with friends as normal and talk to as many people as possible. Confide in people who you know will help or relate to you. Read a self-help book, even if it takes a year to finish but reading books help a lot. The easiest is to watch motivational videos and follow that up by channeling this new-found positive energy to something creative. Make this a habit.

• Do we really have depression: I know it’s not good advice, but refuse to believe that you are depressed. I know that there are people who are clinically depressed (imbalance of chemicals in the brain) and they really can’t help but to take supplements. But I am also a firm believer of the ‘Placebo effect’, and this is worth a shot. The more you say you have a problem, then the more you have it.  The more you say it is not a problem, the less of a problem it becomes.

How: The feeling of depression always stems from problems. Find a scapegoat for that problem and term it under a different label, instead of convincing one’s self it is depression. This prevents the reinforcement of the belief that you are depressed and hence mentally crippled.

• Discipline and addictions: Our brains are nothing but a playback machine. Its job is to learn from its surroundings, register behavior patterns and execute. When we feed it with behavior patterns that make us dependent, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. Desire is the cause of all suffering, only because we want something but can’t get it and so we are disappointed. Addictions also messes with the levels of dopamine in our heads that can cause depression.

How: Form a daily routine and stick to it. If there is someone’s lifestyle/attitude to life that you admire, try to mimic his/her behavior habits. Attempt to get rid of any addictions not only because it is bad for you, but so that you reiterate to your mind that you have total control. I don’t mean to give up the addition in one day, but only make small attempts to do so.

• Failure to Act: Acting upon the issue can be crippling. We never feel like taking any action but we continue to just gather information. This is the most important point. Failure to act once, will always result in failure to act again.

How: Follow the 5 second rule. If you need to act upon something, do it within 5 seconds of thinking about it. Cause if you don’t and think you will do it later, you will never do it. And the more you procrastinate the more impossible it gets to act.

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As this is my first blog, I would love to get your insights as well. The purpose for me blogging is to meet new like-minded people and to find a new hobby. I hope the above information is handy to someone.

And remember – Life is beautiful, only if you see it that way. You always have a choice of how you think, just pick wisely.